


Things Just Remembered

by likehandlingroses



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Just Right-verse fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-28 17:39:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12611872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likehandlingroses/pseuds/likehandlingroses
Summary: A casual date leaves Gideon reeling with the sensation of having a lived a life before his own.





	Things Just Remembered

“Gideon! Hey!”  

Gideon spotted Alice out of the corner of his eye, standing up on one of the tables outside the dorm and waving at him. He grinned and walked toward her.

“You know, it’s quiet hours. Midterms week, remember?” he said, looking up at her.

“Not out here, it’s not. Or do they own the outdoors too, now?”

“Technically, yes. I think. Definitely the table.”

Alice smirked and sat down on the table top, one knee bent to rest her chin on. “So did you and your boyfriend have a good chat?”

“Roderick’s not my boyfriend. We just...went out for coffee, that’s all.”

“Oh. That’s _all!_ ” Alice tilted her head. “No kiss, then?”

“Alice-”

“Well, I’m just asking! You said it yourself: I’m like family now. Isn’t that what sisters do? Pester?”

“I didn’t mean that part of it,” Gideon said, wincing at the thought of Rosie ever finding out her brother had a boyfriend at college (though he didn’t have a boyfriend. Not really. Maybe not at all).

“So?” Alice said, persisting.

“Fine, yes. Yes, we kissed. And it was nice, and I think I’m seeing him again. Is that a good enough answer for you?”

Alice chuckled. “You’re blushing.” Then she frowned. “And upset about something.”

The concern in her eyes made Gideon suddenly nervous.

“Upset? I’m not upset, I just told you. It went well.”

“How did it feel?” she asked, leaning forward. “Kissing him?”

Gideon rolled his eyes. “You know I’m not going to answer that.”

“Well, you don’t have to _tell_ me,” Alice replied, looking quite serious. “Just think about. Right now. What did it feel like?”

For a moment, Gideon resisted her question because it was silly.  Then he realized he was afraid to remember. It took him another few seconds to bring the memory back, to recall how just when he’d pulled away from the kiss, he’d felt as though he wasn’t quite himself.

No, he’d been himself. Just...older somehow. As though he had a past that hadn’t happened yet.

“Well?” Alice asked, following his face as he attempted to recreate the moment that had made him feel so peculiar.

“It’s nothing,” Gideon said, dismissing the feeling. “It just felt like I knew him a long time, that’s all. I suppose that’s just how it feels when you’re with someone you’re fond of.”

Alice scoffed. “Romantic, aren’t we? How’s this: you _have_ known him a long time.”

“I think I’d remember-”

“Would you? If you can’t remember, how could you know whether or not you _would_ remember?”

Gideon struggled through this logic for a moment before shaking his head. For some reason, his stomach had become quite upset.

“Forget I said anything. It was silly. Just a fancy, you know?”

“You don’t look like it was a fancy. You’re remembering something!” She looked Gideon up and down, taking in his paling face and sweaty palms. “Something not very nice…”

Without warning, a rush of panic came over Gideon. He reached out to grip the nearest back of a chair and closed his eyes. But that only made things worse, because Alice was right. He was remembering something—or hallucinating something, at any rate.

He could see that strange version of himself again, only this time the vision was afraid. Oh, so afraid. He didn’t think he’d ever been so afraid. And there was Roderick, and he was afraid too.

Gideon forced his eyes open and found that they were filled with tears, stinging from the sudden exposure to the brisk air around them. Even with his eyes open, the world still seemed out of focus. And then he heard a scream...it must have been his--or whoever he’d been in the vision. He didn’t know; he’d never had cause to make such a sound.

As the feeling of terror passed and the world became clear and steady again, Gideon could see Alice, still perched on the table beside him, her hand on his shoulder, looking both intrigued and concerned.

“So?” she asked, but Gideon only shook his head.

“I have to go.”

 

* * *

 

Even in his distress, Gideon couldn’t help compulsively looking at his digital clock and mentally dialing it back two hours. It’d be almost three o’clock back at home. It was sometimes unnerving, feeling just a little bit ahead of his family. Only today, he felt so terrifyingly behind.

The phone rang only twice before his father answered, his voice always terse before realizing it was someone he cared to speak to. Then he would soften, and suddenly it was like being home again.

Only today, while his father spoke, Gideon felt none of the regular warmth and familiarity. The questions and fear only heightened as his father spoke.  

“Gideon! This is a surprise. Your mother is still at work, but she should be home in a few minutes, if you want to make do with me until then. I’m afraid Rosie’s out until late tonight; she’s got a birthday party after school that’s going on until ten o’clock. Can you believe that? And she expects me to pick her up, of course. Did you ever hear of a sixteen-year old’s party going that late? I swear, it wasn’t that way when you were her age.”

“I remember what happened,” Gideon blurted out, though the words were only a little removed from being a lie. He’d have been better off saying, _“I know there’s something I’ve forgotten.”_

“What?”

“I went out with a boy today, and I kissed him, and I realized I know him from somewhere.” The words came out before Gideon could feel self-conscious about sharing the story. “I know him from before, like I was someone…before I was me.”

He could practically see his father’s panicked face, his fingers clutching the handle of his cane tighter as he tried to find a way to move forward. The fear came through the phone long before his voice did.

“...Gideon-”

“Did you know?” he asked. “Did you know I had a--another life or another past or...I don’t even know what? Whatever it was I remembered today?”

“…yes.”

“What is it?”

“Son, it doesn’t matter now--”

“Don’t tell me it doesn’t matter, because I know it does!” Gideon shouted.

“Gideon, we should wait for your mother to get here, and then we can all talk-”

“-so she knows too? You both knew, and you weren’t going to tell me?” Gideon said, still not sure what he was accusing his parents of keeping from him, or even if they deserved to be accused of anything at all.

“We were going to tell you. We just never found the right time. And we never dreamed you’d...remember. Even when we told you, it would be...separate. From who you are now.”

“What happened?” he said, his voice finally breaking just a little as he grew desperate for his father to explain. But he wouldn’t…couldn’t. It wasn’t what his father did. He was many things, but a man who could bear the burden of breaking his child’s world wasn’t one of them.

“...I’ll explain when your mother gets back. It’ll take some time.”

Gideon didn’t say anything else. He didn’t know what else could possibly be said until his mother showed up and explained what on earth was happening, why he felt cold and confused and afraid of himself.

“But son?” Gideon jumped at the sound of his father’s voice, though it was soft and gentle. “It’ll be alright, you know? You’re alright. I’m sorry you found out this way; truly I am. But you’re fine, and you will be fine.”

Gideon did his best to let the words land where they were meant to fall. As all children must, he’d learned his father’s limitations, where his weaknesses lurked and what he did to compensate. And he was trying, as he always did, to make things seem settled, even when they weren’t. Even when Gideon knew he didn’t believe it.

“Okay,” he said, hoping his voice was filled with more love and understanding than exasperation.

Then, for what were some of the longest minutes of Gideon’s life, father and son lapsed into silence.

 

* * *

 

“I understand if you’re angry,” he heard his mother say, as though she were coming from the other end of a tunnel. Gideon found he didn’t have any breath to speak.

“I’m sorry,” came her voice again, this time more clearly. “I’m sorry it happened; I’ll always be sorry. And I’m so sorry you...you have to feel anything of what happened there again.”

“I’m not angry about that,” he finally said, his voice thin and shaking. “It was part of who I am. Just because it was mostly bad...it was still mine. And now I don’t know any of that anymore. I don’t have it. Just bits and pieces.”

“It’s scary,” his mother agreed. “It’s hard! It’s why we didn’t know how to tell you; _if_ we should tell you. If it would make things worse, you know?”

Gideon nodded furiously, though he knew neither of his parents could see him. It wasn’t their fault, of course. After all, he was now in the same predicament.

“What do I tell him?” he asked, knowing they’d understand what he meant.

“Perhaps he knows,” his father said.

“What if he doesn’t?  And I don’t know how…” Gideon’s voice broke off into a sob. The more his parents had told him, the clearer things had become. He didn’t remember much—and according to his father, he probably never would—but there were things now he recalled with absolute clarity.

And Roderick? He’d watched him die. Whatever had broken when the Black Fairy died and the Final Battle was won must have brought him back to his own time and his own realm, must have changed his history as it had Gideon’s.

But if Gideon could feel the memory so viscerally...somewhere, somehow...it had still happened.

And how, how could he ever tell Roderick that it had? Would he even believe him, or would he simply chalk it up to Gideon being best friends with Alice and thus prone to dramatics about such things?

Or worse: what if he did believe him? How could they ever move forward? What if what had happened before only meant they were doomed always?

“Darling,” his mother whispered. “It’ll all work out; I promise. You found a way back to him--or maybe he found a way back you. And that means something, doesn’t it? You’ll find the right words. You always do: you’re a clever, sweet boy. And you always were, even...even then.”

“You’re stronger than you know,” his father added. “And we’re proud of you.”

“Always have been.”

Gideon took a deep breath. “Thank you. I love you both.”

“We love you,” his parents said, almost in the same instant. And Gideon knew then that he wasn’t angry with them. It wasn't alright, whatever his father said. It might not be alright ever again. But they’d done everything they could. And now it was his turn.

 

* * *

 

It occurred to Gideon only as he passed Alice’s door that he’d promised to study with her that night. He didn’t know how Roderick would react to what he was going to tell him, but he figured however it went, studying afterwards would now be out of the question. He’d simply to have to tell Alice he couldn’t make it.

He had barely knocked once before Alice pulled open her door, grabbed his arm, and yanked him through the doorway, letting the door close behind them with a thud.

“Alice!”

“I have to talk to you about something.”

“I know I said I’d be here at six, but something came up-“

“-your boyfriend was here.”

“He was?” Gideon said, too shocked to try and correct Alice.

“Yeah. Didn’t know where you lived; but he remembered my room number. Thought you might be here with me. I told him, ‘well, he should have been here an hour ago. We’ve got a test tomorrow to study for. Just wait around, I’m sure he’ll come by.’ But he didn’t want to stay. Seemed nervous.”

“What do you mean?”

“He was all anxious; like you were this afternoon. Shaky and eyes all big, you know? Wish someone would tell me what’s going on.”

“Maybe some other time. Did he say where he was going?”

“I told you, he was acting all funny. He wouldn’t have been able to tell me his own name if I’d asked. But I’ll bet he went down to the pond. Probably on the bridge...though maybe he's at the trees down at the water’s edge,” Alice considered the possibilities for a moment before nodding to herself. “Yeah, it’ll be the trees.”

“Why would he be down there?”

Alice raised her eyebrows. “He's clearly worried about something to do with you. And it’s twilight and the moon’s out. Think for once, would you, Gold?”

Gideon didn’t know why he listened to her, except for the fact that he had no other leads on where Roderick could be. In another moment, he was halfway to the pond with little memory of whether he’d even said goodbye to Alice, or if he’d seen anyone on the way.

The pond at twilight…what a silly notion. And _he_ was supposed to be the romantic…yet still he kept going in the same direction. If nothing else, it would be a lovely sight to calm his nerves.

But there he was, just as Alice had said. Sitting under the branches of an old elm, his eyes closed, and, even from a distance, looking tense and distraught.

“Roderick?”

He jumped at the sound of Gideon’s voice, eyes snapping open. Gideon waited for him to say something, but he didn’t.

“Alice...she told me you were looking for me.”

“And you knew to come here?”

“Well,” Gideon said, embarrassed to admit it. “Alice knew, actually. She sort of understands things like that about people. I’m not nearly so intuitive.”

Roderick smiled for the briefest moment before staring back out at the water, looking lost.  And Gideon understood, finally, what had happened that day. That he wouldn’t have to explain anything to Roderick after all.

“But I can tell something is wrong. And I think I know what,” Gideon said. “Because it happened to me too.”

Roderick turned back toward him. “You didn’t know before?” he asked, voice guarded.

“No,” he whispered.

“Oh. I thought maybe...with your magic and everything...you did.”

“No.”

They were silent for a long while. Gideon sat down next to Roderick, and for a moment it almost seemed as though they were back in that somewhere that didn’t exist anymore, the darkness and chill in the air calling to mind a place they only barely remembered.

“It’s, ah...not fun to remember dying,” Roderick said, finally, with a sort of smile on his face. “Kind of ruins your study routine.”

Gideon couldn’t find the humor in his words, and felt himself beginning to cry. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I couldn’t-”

“No, I didn’t mean-” Roderick grabbed his hand. “It was a stupid joke. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“But I am sorry--”

“Hey, listen,” Roderick said softly, leaning in. “We’ve done that before. Let’s not. It’s different here. Let it be different.”

Even as Roderick leaned in to kiss him, Gideon wasn’t sure if he could. But it only took until the second kiss for him to decide that he could certainly try.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! As the tags say, this--and probably quite a few other stories--are going to be a part of what I'm calling the "Just Right"-verse...kind of my "actually this is what happened" fix-it fic/AU/etc universe. They won't be happening in any particular order or anything, just as inspiration strikes and I want to write about whatever/whoever in the timeline. So feel free to check in and see what's going on with the Gold family next!


End file.
